small crayon box: Adoption FAQ (in progress)

Birth Family FAQ

Where can I find out more about your reasons for adoption/adoption experience/family background?

We have four pages of answers and pictures on our profile at our agency's website. You can also read our blog, email, or call us (1.877.291.9807).

Yes! The majority of adoptions today have some degree of "openness". We are happy to meet you, exchange letters and photos, and stay in contact over the years. Experience shows adopted kids and biological families feel better about the whole process if there is information and connection.
Jessica's birth mom T. and I (Liz) email monthly. T. reads our blog and has seen her twice since Jessica was born. Jessica's birth grandparents like to stay in contact, but Jessica's birth father doesn't wish to see her, and we respect that.

Of course! Don't hesitate to email us (smallcrayonbox@gmail.com) or our social worker Rob (mackayrs@ldsfamilyservices.org).

Yes. An LDS Family Service agent in your area can meet with you and help with expenses. Contact our Virginia agent Rob Mackay, 1.804.743.0727. Or use this search map.

You name him/her in the hospital. We aren't completely decided on names, so we'd love to consider yours when we finalize the adoption after a few months. Our first daughter knows her original name; it's a fun fact other kids don't have!

Will my child hate me? Will I never see them again? What will I tell my future spouse or kids?

Adopted kids turn out fine! Liz has 2 adopted friends who, as adults, have contact their biological families, and also have happy families of their own. Statistics say 90% of adopted kids want to know their birth families. We also know couples who gave up kids, and went on to have more kids when they were ready. We think of birth families as the heroes in our lives--we teach Jessica that her birth parents are good, talented people who just weren't able to take care of her. If you search the internet, you'll find some bitter adoptees, birth parents, and failed adoptive parents. But they are a minority.

I am debating between adoption and keeping the baby. Giving my child to someone else feels weird.

This is the most common question we get. Please consider these thoughts:
We felt THE SAME WAY. When we first applied for adoption, we thought "We canNOT take someone else's kid! We don't know if we could love them! What if the child is too different from us? It feels like stealing!" But we found 2 great support groups, and spoke to some birth moms. We feared less and began to realize everything would turn out fine. We loved Jessica from day one. It's HEALTHY AND NORMAL to not want to give up your offspring. It means that you are a conscientious person who is naturally protective of their children. If you can't give your child a family or the means they need growing up right now, USE THAT LOVE TO CHOOSE THE BEST SITUATION FOR
Talk to a counselor; they can help sort through feelings and decisions.
Adoption is very common. Here's a list of famous adoptees.....
We are lucky to have adoption in America. Some countries don't allow adoption (Austrailia, England, etc) and abandoned children with no kin to take them are raised in orphanages.
Learn from others' adoption decisions: video interviews and first-hand stories.
We'll never forget listening to Troy Dunn from "The Locator" (adoption reunions). He said "Doing what is right doesn't always feel good, and doing what is wrong doesn't always feel bad." We're not saying keeping a child in less that ideal circumstances is bad. But doing what is best for your child in the long term may hurt in the short term.

Our Adoption FAQs:

We wait until a birth family chooses us. Jessica's birth mother, T., chose us from other families on itsaboutlove.org. We don't sit on a "waiting list"--it's more like a pool (and T. fished us out, haha!)....that may be a weird analogy.

we are open to adopt boy or girl, different ethnicities, up to 12 months old, from any U.S. state. (We don't have approval to go overseas now.)
if you don't like us, please consider our adopting friends! links:

Jessica's Adoption FAQs:

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