Jumping in the Adoption Pool Again!

We are happy to announce our paperwork approved to adopt domestically as soon as we find a matching birth family. Please forward this on to others, and contact us with any questions. We are excited to welcome a new child into our family! Happy Valentine's Day!

Taking a Stand

Jessica is steady as a rock with her hand on something. But she sits down immediately if she lets go.  And if we're holding her hands, she wobbles all over.

Yesterday at church I stood her up, made her hold her own hands (like clapping), & she balanced for 2 seconds. We did it again at the adoption picnic yesterday, and she stood for 20 seconds! Dave had time to snap this cell phone pic. Everyone was clapping & cheering & I saw her eyes light up with "Oh, this is a cool trick. And I'm getting attention." She did it a few more times. One day short of her 13 month birthday. Walking here we come!

I also taught her how to lick the window when it was raining, & she "drank" her toast bits out of her breakfast bowl. Mighty progress indeed!

Adoption Support Groups

These people are lifesavers. Our friends and family were very sympathetic and helpful, but we drank in all the experience of other adoptive families.

Our local support group is Parent Adoption Lifeline, and Dave especially loved meetings. We attended for 3 years, two of which had a "Candle lighting" ceremony and lunch. We had to light a "waiting" candle, while others lit a "new adoption" candle. Finally in August of 2010, we got to light a candle for Jessica.

We are also board members for the Florida Families Supporting Adoption group, for couples waiting to adopt through LDS Family Services. We mostly talk by phone since we're scattered across the state, but once a year we have a conference in Orlando.

2010 was Florida's turn to host the regional conference for the Southeast U.S. FSA groups. Man it was a lot of work!--months and months. Our co-presidents and friends, the Middletons, decided adoption conferences had too many tears, and we need a fun theme. I volunteered to be in charge of speakers, and molded chocolates (a first for me) as thank you gifts. I thanked myself a lot too.

These thank you bundles also had coconut candles packed inside,

and I spent several hours collecting, transporting, and stringing hundreds of fragrant plumeria blossoms to make flowers leis for the first time. Thanks to our friend Becca, (who's adopted, searching for her birthmother, and may adopt children herself soon) who stayed up til 1 am helping me make these beauties.

And the speakers were great. An adoption lawyer,

a really funny fertility doctor,

and others: Church head adoption lawyer David McConkie, the LDS Family Services President and member of the Seventy, Steve Sunday, the insightful Kite and Satchell families, an online advertising guru/adoptive dad, and 4 amazing birthmoms, all different.

And we also all heard our guest speaker, by far the highlight of the conference: Troy Dunn, the Locator. Long story short: he's a Florida bishop; in his day job, he's reunited thousands of adoptive and birth families; he's good at it; he made us all laugh and cry; and he has an adopted mother and brother.

My favorite parts: doing what is right doesn't always equal doing what feels good; adopted parents shouldn't take it personally when kids search for birth family (and they always do); he doesn't help kids under 18 search; reunions are almost always wonderful; kids are better adjusted to adoption the earlier and more they know; the funniest story was about his company getting launched overnight when a TV plug posted his phone number, and thousands looking for adoptive connections called (because it's all about family!); he once helped locate a birth mother in a medical emergency that saved a little girl's life, without the girl knowing at her request; foster parents have his highest respect; and he loves birth parents.

After some great music, good food, a Polynesian floor show, and lots of talking and a few tears, and a great sigh of relief, we came home from one of the best events I've ever helped plan.

Below are some of our board members, including Kim Middleton, left, (an incredible person), and a birthmother (red shirt).

Jessica was a peach; she sported a hula skirt and onsie declaring "Sorry Brangelina, I'm taken."

Hooray for adoption friends and hooray the work is over!

Orlando Vacation Part 3: Jessica's Temple Sealing and Baby Blessing

On Saturday August 7, 2010, Dave and I took Jessica to the Orlando temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to be sealed into our family by the priesthood of God for time and all eternity. Before we went inside, Dave's dad took some pictures on the beautiful grounds. It was a hot and humid Florida day, so we posed quickly.

We dressed her in the long, lacy, all-white blessing gown I wore as a newborn for my baby blessing. Her arms were almost to big for the sleeves, as she is now 6 months old and quite chubby. We all went to a sealing room, similar to the one pictured here. My family sat on one side, and Dave's family sat on the other, and our friends wherever. It was similar to our marriage sealing ceremony that way. 

We knelt at the cushioned alter, and Jessica sat on top. To my relief, she was quiet, alert, and cooperative. Our mothers and Dave were teary. I was just happy. Our little darling would be with us even after death in heaven.

We posed outside for a picture of everyone who were inside the temple with us. From left to right, Ken and Martha Hurst (Jessica's biological maternal grandfather and his wife), Leslie and Gilbert Jaimez (church friends), my maternal grandparents Ross & Yvonne (Vee-on) Bosen in the back, my sister Emily and her husband (Dave's cousin) James Robertson (kneeling) with sons Henry and Wesley. On my right, my mom and dad Jen and Ed Eying.

Behind Dave Kim and Charles Middleton, (adoptive parents too), Dave's Mom Glenene, then her parents Glen and Margene Stringham, then Dave's Dad Richard Robertson. Kneeling in front of them all is Dave's sister Melanie and her husband Sam Jarvis. Moving right is my brother Kenny and wife Megan Eyring (in stripes, my brothers Chris and Jeff, then Rebecca (adopted herself) and Justin Elkins (ward friends), and Keri and Mark Balls (ward friends and temple workers).

The next day, August 8, Dave gave Jessica her baby blessing in front of the congregation at our regular Sunday church services in Jupiter, FL. Our church won't allow us to do this until she is legally our daughter. (Alabama required a five month supervisory period to ensure we were capable to care for Jessica before they finalized our adoption.) So instead of holding and pronouncing a prayer over a newborn, Jessica was a hefty baby.

But there were lots of men standing in the circle around her to assist holding her up. If we remember correctly, it included my father, my mom's father, two of my brothers Kenny and Chris, brother-in-law James, Dave's Dad and mom's father, Jessica's grandfather, and Dave's friend Alan Laabs. Besides spitting up milk on her dress, it went perfectly. Dave is an elder in the Melchizedek priesthood, and gave her a beautiful blessing.

This picture captures my attempts to calm her crying after the services. The photo of us in front of our church was taken quickly, since it was another boiling hot day. The camera lens was smudged, but it was fitting because makes the church grounds look like the steaming jungle it felt like.

After we met at our house for a meal and socializing. We posed on the front porch as each of our guests left. Here we stood with Ken and Martha, who drove all the way down from Leeds (Birmingham area) Alabama. They are active members of our church too, so they were happy and understood the importance of these two ordinances. (You can see Ken's tall genes are partly to blame for Jessica's height. Martha is Jessica's step-grandmother.)

It's hard for my grandparents to travel, so I was so pleased they flew all the way from Bountiful, Utah to join us. Dave's grandparents flew in from Layton, Utah, and Dave's parents visited us from Houston, TX.

My family hung out in Jessica's ocean-themed room. (Our tiny condo wasn't conducive to a big gathering.) Everyone left that day, except Kenny and Megan, who stayed another two days in Jupiter. We had so much fun with our family, who was happy to celebrate Jessica legally and spiritually joining our family, and the end of 9 childless years.

Adoption Finalization

The State of Alabama and LDS Family Services judged us to be fit parents, and on July 21st, 2010 at 2:30pm in Birmingham, AL we officially adopted Jessica.

It was pretty quick: 10 minutes was all it took for Lawyer Bob and Judge Friday to say in effect "Please sit here all the paperwork looks great this is a day you've been waiting for sign the paper isn't she cute? let's take a picture make copies of the paperwork thank you" in very strong Southern accents.

I thought more about visiting with the birth family than the finalization in court. Probably because the birth family has been so good, and the paperwork so gradual.

We flew up to Atlanta (it's cheaper than flying straight to B.) and stayed overnight at my sister's house. We drove over to Birmingham in the morning, had lunch with the birthmom and walked around a hot Botanical Garden, went to the court with Jessica's biological maternal grandparents, went to their home for cake, dinner. Met the birthmom's sister. Stayed the night, then drove back to Atlanta, caught our flight and were home in 48 hours.

We had a wonderful time. I got to try Southern succotash & catfish and fried green tomatoes, yum. Jessica was an angel through all that travel and fuss (except the hot afternoon in the garden.) Wow, she is an attention magnet. These are the most common phrases I get for her:

"Oh, I thought you were pushing a doll in that stroller!"

"She is big for her age!/She doesn't eat well, does she?"

"How does that bow stick to her head?"

"Look at those round cheeks!"

"Look at those big blue eyes!" ("Daddy needs a shotgun." is pretty common too.)

"She looks just like you."

"Wow, your baby is so calm/good/quiet/happy on the plane/store/babysitting."

"Oh, look how cute!"

To which the answers are:

"Oh, she's real."

"She has tall genes/We stuff her with milk" (when really I have no idea why she is her size)

"Corn syrup."

"They are very pinchable! Squeeze her thighs, they're chubbier!"

"They are pretty."

"Thanks./I hope she does better than that./She's adopted & the birthmother picked us out."

"She is a good baby/she's adopted and came with great DNA" (but I also think

'She can be unpleasant, just not now' or

'Yes, but soon she will be 2 years old' or

'She gets plenty of food, sleep, and attention so of course she's happy!')

&

"Thank you. We love her."

Because we do. Head over heels.

For Time and All Eternity

Dear family & friends: we are going back to Alabama to have Jessica's adoption finalized on July 21, 2010. We will then be able to seal her to us as a family, even after death, in one of God's temple. We are choosing the Orlando temple, and the date is most likely August 7, 2010. All our friends who are temple-recommend holders are invited. Dave will give her a baby blessing in the Jupiter ward the next day; all of our friends are invited to attend.

We will post something here when we get more details.

Adoption Survivor!

Saturday we threw a party to celebrate Jessica's arrival. We opted for an aloha/survivor theme instead of pink & duckies, because we were ready to par-tay over our first adoption! I couldn't find a clip-on bone for her nose, or grass skirts in size 0, so we opted for eyebrow pencil and her animal print top. The guests all wanted to hold her and she was a great hostess. That's one for the baby book: first party! (And she didn't even have to wait til her first birthday.)


Lots of people helped out with food, and besides 2 dinner dishes, all we had for dinner that night was sugar and fruit, yum! We had just the right amount of people to sit and talk and tell Jessica's story. (I went to 8 stores to find my favorite paper lanterns, and of course, they were at the last possible store on my list.)

Two of my tennis teammates came bearing gifts. My tennis team has been really happy for me, although it's taking time away from my favorite sport. My wonderful friend Meghan is babysitting Jessica for the last few games of the season. Both our division 7 and division 5 teams are in first place, and it's been a blast playing (and winning) these last 2 years with them.

Dave offers up Jessica, Lion King style. "It's the cir---cle--- of liiii----fe !"

His coworker Steve is a cheerful guy whom Dave really likes, so we're glad he came. Dave's company delivered a bouquet of flowers and balloons of congratulations, and their best present: they didn't fire him after being gone for 10 working days. Thanks Florida Turbine Technologies!

Our friend Sheyla made a custom cake for the party: Dave and I on a safari to find a pink bundle in a treasure chest under the palms. Dave is complete with glasses, and apparently my figurine liked to swim, because it kept falling in the water. (This week we've been eating the cake, but we decided it would be slightly cannibalistic, and sick, to eat tiny sugar versions of ourselves, so we ate around them.)

Sheyla won the tropical food contest, and the amazing fruit hat, which looked like it was made for her! Our church "family" has been a huge support over the 6 years we've been here and childless. They've referred us to infertility specialists; told us their own experiences; listened to us (complaining sometimes on my part); some have consciously not asked about it I'm sure (a relief in its own way); gave advice (the helpful, the useless, and the painful kind); they've included us in family activities even though we didn't have kids; let us borrow their kids; and greatly encouraged us. And lastly, they were ecstatic when we finally did find a child, and have showered Jessica with gifts. We love you Jupiter ward!

Thanks to everyone who helped us celebrate!

Yay! We're free!

It's noon, and we just got a phone call from our awesome FL social worker who says we're free to leave the state. We already made reservations in Dothan, AL to meet Dave's parents, which gives us 2 days to make the long trip with a new baby. Piano recital is on for Friday, Dave will be back to work on Thursday, and we can get back to normal! Well, with a new baby...

Big Baby Bash

Dave and I always wanted to have a big open house when we finally adopted. In the midst of paperwork uncertainty today, I told Dave: "Let's picture this wait all over, and we're throwing the party. What theme should we choose to exemplify our struggle to adopt?" His response made me laugh out loud: "Survivor."

Ha ha hahaha! So we decided: Sat Mar 27 or Sun Mar 28 we're having an island-themed baby party at our house. Come help us celebrate the end of our childlessness in your flip flops and Hawaiian shirts and grass skirts. You know, pineapple and coconut macaroons and pulled pork and chocolate (it's a tropically-grown food, right?)

We went right out & bought some supplies. If you have any island decorations, or tropical treats you'd like to bring, contact me or Meghan Shurtz. Don't feel you have to bring an offering for the volcano (a gift), please just come! Everyone is invited. We have a surprise "village" project, and tribal face-paint for anyone who wants to hold the baby. Best costume wins a prize.

{The water/island theme isn't too much of a stretch: we live in Florida, and her nursery and bedding has an underwater theme. Plus, I toyed with the idea of her middle name being Pearl: after all, she is our 'pearl of great price'.}

I'm trying to come up with an outdoor game involving spear throwing and "the bullseye of adoption frustration", and something else with fire. Any ideas? Or spears? Island music or party lights?

Sorry, no baby word unscramble or "guess how many mints are in the baby bottle" games here. This is no regular baby, and no ordinary party. More to come . . .

Still here

We found out it took Alabama only 24 hours (starting Thursday) to receive our papers, complete our approval, and get it in the mail to Florida. FL got it today (Monday), hopefully to finish it Tuesday or Wednesday, so we might drive back to Florida Tuesday or Wednesday.

We were planning on Dave flying back on Saturday, so he could back to the Elder's Quorum after a month's absence, and work after a 2 week absence. But I was pouting at the idea of spending my birthday on Sunday alone and driving back without him. Dave placated me to give the ICPC process a few more days. Friday we bummed around the mall, bought some shoes and dessert, called our moms, and watched a comedy (Complete Shakespeare Abridged).

Now it's Monday, and there was no word, and it's Dave's turn to go bonkers. He can swing 2 weeks of vacation if his family's around, but going to the store and on a walk is not enough to block out how unproductive he feels. And worse, we are both powerless to do anything. I can take disappointment if there's an explanation, an action, or a time limit.

So we may drive down Alabama to Dothan or Mobile and stay a little closer to the "border". Dave's parents are driving over from Houston for a quick hello to their newest grandbaby. Dave has to get back to work on Thursday.

This morning we met most of the birth family at Waffle House for a goodbye breakfast. Funny story: Dave choose the onsie that said "Daddy Loves Me", and about 4 hours later, she had her first blowout on herself, the couch and "daddy". He just held her by her armpits and looked disgusted and confused about which mess to start with. I thought it was pretty funny! That's how babies initiate dads, I guess. Now every time we saw that phrase today, I laughed and Dave was like "Oo, look out."
Our rubber-necked contortionist in her yellow Sunday attire, faithfully slept through the whole high counselor's talk.

Sunday we went to a small branch in Birmingham. And Jessica lasted the whole time. We're thinking (if baby gets her interstate immigration status approved in time.) we'll bring her to church on Sunday. And to my piano recital Friday night. If, if, if.

Dave spots a cocoa pod inside the tropical plants greenhouse, (which was less interesting to us than the Japanese, cactus, and outdoor gardens, since we see those plants everyday in Florida.)

To celebrate my 32nd birthday, we walked through the other half of the Birmingham botanical gardens; ate Cheetos, strawberries, egg rolls, and fudge poptarts; and I watched all 4 hours of Gone with the Wind, (love it!)
(I thought I kept seeing rose bushes around the city, and thought "That's odd, roses bloom mid-summer." But the botanical gardens are full of camellias, Alabama state flower, which look like old-fashioned roses.)

Saturday we visited the famous World's Fair colossal ode to Birmingham's steel heritage: Vulcan. (He's holding a spear point, and only the front half is covered by a blacksmith's apron, so there are a lot of jokes about south Birmingham being mooned.)

We learned the city sits on top of all 3 ingredients for steel: iron ore, limestone, and coal, but nowadays its a hospital city. It was cold and a little scary on the observation deck (why do they make the floor see through?), but it had a really high tech visitor's center.

Big feet, small feet.

Our birthmom came with us, and I found out why my daughter's long fingers all bend backwards. Birthmom was using a computer touchscreen and I smiled. (I mean, look at her long graceful hands in the pic below; she could TOTALLY be a hand model. ;] ) It's been wonderful to have an open adoption and learn about Jessica's family. It sneaks Dave and I a look into her future, which we're thinking will be very good. : )

Progress, Finally

We heard this morning our paperwork has been delivered to the state of Alabama. HALLELUJAH! If it's correct, baby & I may be home next week. After talking with several people, we're finding out every adoption has a snag, but applying for interstate adoption should not take as long as it has (10 days). The LDS Family Services Atlanta social worker is not the speediest or easiest to track down, much to our chagrin. Gratefully, others in the process have been more helpful.

We meet with the lawyer tomorrow to start her AL court finalization application, which should take about 60 days. Dave flies home this Saturday, regardless of what happens.

Baby is great. She smiles so wide after a bottle and first falling asleep I can see her dimples. I love to play and tease her and swing with her, and watch her little brain try to process it. What a cutie, and growing every day. Thanks for mailing her a new girly wardrobe, Grandma E!



To entertain ourselves, we went to the Southern Museum of Flight in Birmingham. I thought it would be boring for me and Dave would just walk around and drool over airplanes turbines and engines, which he did. But it was worth the admission.




The WWII plane room had heavy loudspeakers replaying engine startup sounds, and great mannequins. The museum also had plane artwork, weather explanations, models, an experimental plane room, "make your own plane" kids' center, wall of women pilots, nifty helicopters, huge murals, tables and fence posts made from propeller wings, and a flight library.



But my 2 favorite things were the plane simulator games (we crashed and laughed a lot) and the children's airplane playroom. The picture only shows a third of it and all the toys. If only Jessica was older . . .

"Peas Porridge in the Pot, Nine Days Old"

So it's Tuesday, one week after we brought Jessica home ("home" read: hotel in Birmingham) from the hospital. The hotel provides breakfast and lunch, we go on walks and putter around the hotel room working (Dave), making phone calls & writing emails, napping, and holding our precious bundle. There's a SuperWalmart and a Babies'R'Us across the street, and we have books, movies, birthfamily visits, and things to do. But we are getting a little antsy.



When are we coming back to Florida? Although all the paperwork was sign last Monday, and we had a hitch with resigning paperwork last Thursday, we tracked down our LDSFS caseworker today (& everyday), and she STILL HAS NOT SENT OUR PAPERWORK to the Alabama government for approval to take the baby across state lines. (Best scenario: back on Saturday for work/tennis/piano lessons next week.)

{She's newly transferred from Utah to the Atlanta office, and we're her second Alabama interstate adoption. She said her first took SIX WEEKS. She promises us everyday that today she will FedEx overnight-it. Her excuse was she is "busy" and she had to "make copies" (even though we all signed 4 copies of everything). She didn't have our background check from Florida (although our Florida caseworker called & emailed several times 2 weeks in advance of the birth.) She admitted she doesn't read her full email in-box, her voicemail is full, and 4 times she remarked about sending our stuff to Georgia, not Alabama.}

If we call tomorrow and she hasn't sent it, Mr. Diplomatic will had the phone calling over to Ms. Get-This-Done. We don't mind the vacation, as long as we're not losing $400/day waiting on a disorganized whim.

Anyways. Jessica & her family are great. J.K. is slightly bigger, pays attention a little better, needs lots of holding, and really charms us. She sighs in her sleep, sometimes between every breath, and she sounds like a baby bellows. (huh)"hmm"(huh) "nnn"(huh) "yunn"(huh)"aaiiaa? "(pause) "hhhhh hhhu" . . . Sometimes she sounds likes she's a baby pig, sometimes like she's quacking with her mouth shut. There's no music in the world to compare.

We drove over to the birthgrandparents house last night (Monday). The birth great-grandparents drove down from Tennessee to meet us and the baby. Picture Colonel Sanders and Janice Kappy Perry--and so nice. They told hunting and baby stories, and we had another good chat with the birthmother while getting lost in Birminghan on the way home. Great people that we are happy to be linked to now.

Sunday we went to church in a ward full of kids and babies. We did not pay a lot of attention to the thankimonies/storimonies/repeatimonies when we had children to dream about and admire. (We kept Jessica covered and just went to 1 meeting--Jessica's immune system in mind.) She started to wimper for milk with 10 minutes left in the meeting, and Dave wanted to split. But I said we had to learn to cope eventually. We made it through the longest prayer ever with a pacifier and rocking her carrier. Whew!

After baby's first day of church, one week old, and hungry.

Saturday, to get out, we went with the birthparents to see Avatar 3-D; grandparents were awesome and babysat. My brother describes Avatar as "Fern Gully meets Pocahontas". It's visually very rich; I loved the ocean/prehistoric plant theme, the computer technology (when do I get to have that?), the lead actors, and the music. The plot has 10 different angles: technology v. culture, colonizing nation v. natives, war v. diplomacy, secularism v. pagan religion, military v. business v. anthropology, romance, disabled vets, and a lot of action. Dave liked it too.